I realized that I can watch a movie several times and each time it takes on new meaning for me.
I was home alone flipping through TV channels, and stumbled upon the movie, “You’ve got mail.” Tom Hanks and Megan Ryan star in this movie. It is such a cute movie. Megan Ryan with her “sunshine“ personality and her cute haircut. Tom Hanks with his great balance of humor and sensitivity. I wish for a man with those traits.
As I am sitting watching the movie, there is a part that shows the excitement of turning on the computer and getting email.
Both actors get excited about the process of turning on the computer and hearing the “old school ” dial tone with their AOL account. The last but best part is when they hear the computer say, “You’ve got mail.”
As the movie progresses, I realized the excitement of “You’ve got mail “has been lost for me. As my mind goes off into random thoughts (which happens a lot now) I think about what “You’ve got mail “means to me.

What it means to me:

Checking the in box for my email to find more advertising emails than personal emails. I swear I unsubscribe but they never seem to go away! Ugh!

Checking the in box and finding that my daughter has more of a social life that me. The emails coming from school, after school activities, and request for play dates. I have now become Uber for my daughter. It is great to see her active, having friends, and growing up. I wish it could be that simple for me. I would love a play date.

Checking the in box to find an email from my Family Law attorney about my divorce. Each time, I feel my chest tightened and my stomach begin to turn. I feel the anxiety of not knowing what is to come. I feel the anger about why I am sitting here reading an email about a divorce. My divorce. I feel sadness about not understanding why this happened. I feel sadness because there is no happy ending for me when I get done with this email. Where is my “Tom Hanks?” The worse part of these emails are when there are attachments to open. My stomach turns as I move the mouse (yes, a mouse that plugs into the computer) to click and open the attachment. As I watch the attachment say, ” Downloading “, and the image that looks like a clock starts to turn to open, my heart beats fast. As I wait for the download, I wonder what it will say, how it will make me feel, and maybe I should not open it. The attachments in these emails are crushing me and emotionally wrecking me for the day, or two. The downloading of the attachment has become the feeling of when you gamble and they throw the dice or begin the pull the cards for 21. I hold my breathe hoping to win the bet. Well, not so much…

So the movie ends and the characters meet each other in a park. Flowers in hand, dog following behind, with the perfect amount of sun to highlight their happiness when they kiss.

I hope my ending of “You’ve got mail, “can be close to that one day.