I never planned to get divorced.
I never thought about getting a divorce.
However, recently I was told by a judge, “If you wrap up your divorce settlement papers quickly, you can catch me before lunch.” I have had to do many things after I was laid off and my husband left, but to make a life decision before lunch is a new one for me.
It was another day in the court room. Today we were supposed to be negotiating financial terms and decisions. As I got out of the elevator, there he was. My future ex-husband. He still had the ill-fitting suit but his hair was long, greasy, and very grey. He still does not speak or acknowledge me. I walked into the court room and sat down. I have been focused on trying to find the joy in my life every day. I have to say, I am getting good at it now. One of the joys is people watching in the court room. Let the parade of couples begin:

The man how can’t get divorce because he can’t find his wife.
The nice couple who is able to talk with a counselor and not a judge.
The man and woman who were married in Las Vegas. They said to the judge they were drunk and didn’t mean to get married. Yes… The judge asked, “Why did you get married?” The answer from the woman was, “We didn’t mean it. We were drunk“. I could not make this up even if I tried.

As I sat shocked and amazed, my case was called next. As the judge reviews the file out loud, I can’t help and wonder what this day will bring.
Will I get child support?
What is he going to comprise on? Am I going to comprise?
Why does this process take so long?
Why am I here? If you (future ex-husband) wanted the divorce, sign off, pay, and walk away.
“Will you request to change your name?” This question woke me from my day dream setting in the court room. “Will you request to change your name, Mrs. XXX? “The judge repeats.
“ Yes, I will be changing my name,” I responded.
“Ok, so lunch is at 12:30 pm. “Do you think that you, Mr. XXX and your attorneys can go in the cafeteria to resolve details and differences on the settlement that you and Mr. XXX have?” The judge asked. “I go to lunch at 12:30pm today. If you wrap up your divorce settlement papers quickly, you can catch me before lunch.”

My heart stopped. My stomach turned. I began to panic. How am I supposed to decide before lunch? Everyone seemed ok with this. Of course I had everything research and everything I wanted mapped out. It was weird to me the cold, callus, way of making decision like this is a normal request. It took my boyfriend (future husband and now future ex-husband) 8 years to decide if he wanted to be married, but I should be ok with making a decision that will affect my daughter and myself….before lunch?
I didn’t have lunch that day.
I don’t think I will have lunch today either.