Well, it is February. I feel like the month of February let’s you settle into the new year. This February and honestly every month, settling into anything is difficult. Valentine’s day is coming up and I reflected on what to write. Love and marriage. I may not have or know anything about either, but I love to observe others.
Welcome to another Guest Blogger! She is young, full of energy, and following the road less traveled. She is a successful, up and coming career woman. I am going to enjoy observing my friend. She is beautiful. Being that she was recently married, I wanted her to share her take on getting married and the marriage process. Yes, I love a good process!
I got married in November to my favorite person. He and I took a year and a half to put together a party to celebrate that we love each other. Our friends and family (my friends, his family) flew out from as far as the east coast to tell us they love us and give us cards neatly folded in white parchment. We wrote checks for amounts larger than either of our cars are worth. We wrote menus. We wrote emails. We posed for pictures and we came up with a hashtag. It was an amazing night made up of minor panic attacks and endless spreadsheets.
The process itself worked for me- I set timelines, met them, and tracked spending and the finite amount of time I had left. I controlled what I could and collaborated on what I couldn’t. My husband and I spent nights up planning timelines and my maid of honor created some insane beautiful art pieces for us. The night consisted of board games, video games, a screening room, a tattoo station, and an insane amount of cupcakes. Through the planning process however, as much as we planned for ourselves we were constantly reminded of what we didn’t plan. We skipped the dance floor (we’re not big dancers), we didn’t do a bouquet toss, we didn’t even do flowers at all. I can’t justify spending money on a plant that’s already been uprooted and has less of a shelf life than the milk in my fridge .We got questions on who our DJ was and received insane looks when we said we simply put together playlists online.
The great irony I found in the wedding planning was that there seemed to be limitless options as long as you wanted one kind of wedding. The cookie cutter wedding consists of a set amount of elements and you were only allowed to show your personality in a short list of ways- in the colors of the maxi dresses your 4-7 bridesmaids were wearing, in the type of flowers you got for each table, in the font of calligraphy you chose for your save the dates. My husband and I giggled at the insanely contrasting descriptions of the same big puffy white dress and turned our noses up at the five figure deposits desired by seemingly public parks and chain hotels. Our dislike of what was essentially was socially expected of us gave us that much more pride and joy in the wedding we crafted.
As much as our wedding ended up having and not having, at the end of the night it was entirely our night. Yes, we both felt pressure to just throw our hands up and drop twenty grand on having a wedding in a banquet hall and making everyone eat chicken, but the sleepless nights and minor meltdowns over things like booking the perfect caricature artist or finding the right accessories for the life-size dinosaur were worth the final product. Every detail of the night rang true to both who I am and who my husband is and it would not have made sense for anyone else but us. I can appreciate that there is a certain social standard for events like these- there can be comfort in the familiar. But the process of avoiding those standards made my husband and I that much closer and the night that much more meaningful between the two of us.
I love my husband, I love my wedding, and if anything, I love that the wedding planning process is over.