Yesterday was National Tequila day.
Tequila and I have a “love/hate thing.”
Late year, as I was nursing a broken heart, drinking a cocktail or two…three, happened more often.
I drank Tequila one night.
The below was written at 2 am in pure utter panic and tears.

Terror and Tequila –

It is pure terror sitting in my bedroom, in the dark, and realizing the state of my life, my bank account, and the unknown. I feel completely scared and alone. I feel like I am alone.

Who do I call?
What do I do?
Why did I work so hard to get here?
Why was I thrown away by a man and a career?

With no certainty in my life, at this moment, I feel pure terror. I have no one to talk to, and all of my responsibilities, that normally are nothing to carry out, now seem overwhelming. I feel weak and like a failure. I hate the ups and downs and want to be me again. I hate that I have talent yet can’t get hired at any level.

I didn’t get to yell at him. I didn’t get to punch someone. I didn’t get the break up fight. He truly can’t communicate. He didn’t have the guts to even have a break up fight! I want to break something.

I once read a quote from a woman who went through a divorce. She stated it was the worse 18 months of her life. I am only 8 months in and have another holiday season and birthday season to go.

Note to self- don’t drink tequila…stay with vodka. Tito’s and tonic, please.